I was only out of town alittle over two weeks, but I used it as an excuse to not post for about a month. This changing your life thing in public is harder than I could have imagined.

At the beginning, when you’re seeing results, and you’re pumped because you had to work up the courage to tell all your friends and family what you’re planning, it’s easy to ride that high and have it carry you for a while. Once that wears off, and you start to struggle, you begin to see that maybe your weight isn’t an isolated issue. Suddenly, breaking the plateau you’re at involves facing fears of failure at work or school, or realizing that the way you mismanage your money depresses you. Now you find yourself facing huge obstacles – obstacles that can’t be solved just by spending an additional 15 minutes on the treadmill – and you despair.

It’s funny how viscous that cycle is, and how it can cause you to undermine yourself. That sense of failure permeates your being and affects everything you do. In fact, someone even told me “It’s like you’re doing the right things, in the wrong ways.” I did 66 days of p90x workouts missing only 3 days in the process (2 of which were for surgery), and didn’t see a pound of weight loss because I was eating terribly.

At the time I told myself it was because I was working out so hard I needed more calories (which was true), but then I went and got those calories via cupcakes & nachos. Even as I write that it sounds so ridiculous I want to smack myself across the face, but when you’re depressed I guess a lot of bad ideas can sound like good ones and the truth can get a little confusing.

I did see really impressive fitness result on p90x though, and I’d really like to see what it could do for me if I were doing it the right way – which means not letting my ego or depression get involved and following it to the letter, nutrition plan and all. So today I’m going to start the program anew, from Day 1. I’m taking all the measurements – including the dreaded before and after pictures – and will get them posted shortly.

Also, a while back I was considering what to do on this site about some of the other aspects of my life I think are negatively impacting my weight goals, such as my finances. I figure if I’m gonna be fighting this battle publicly, then I should do it publicly, end of story. I’ve decided that I’m going to include them in the site in some fashion, and will be playing around with tools and what not to help me do so.

I’m looking forward to some of the changes to the site I’m planning, and to not only getting my weight loss back on track, but taking it to a new level.