I’ve been trying to find a way to tie a bunch of different thoughts and feelings into a post for a while now, and have just decided I’m not going to get anything that doesn’t just seems like a sort of stream of consciousness, random collection of statements – so I may as well not fight it.

I’ve been eating terribly. Not fast food, burgers and fries everyday, how I used to eat terribly, but definitely “Oh, there are donuts in the break room, so I should go have one terribly.” I want to improve, but I’m definitely dealing with some emotional hangup I haven’t fully discovered yet, and it’s starting to really tick me off.

Today is day 43 of P90X without missing a workout. There’ve been a couple where I wasn’t feeling all that into it, and almost certainly didn’t go 100%, but I’ve shown up everyday, and I’m proud of it. I wish I’d had more confidence in myself when I started – in the back of my mind I didn’t think I would even get this far, so I didn’t follow the diet plan, or buy the right supplements, etc. I’ve definitely wasted quite a bit of potential gain by working out so hard, and not giving myself the right tools to fully capitalize on it.

Of course, if I weren’t one for wasting potential, it wouldn’t be called mywastedlife, now would it ;).

Over the last 43 days the trend says I’ve gained about a pound and a half. However, I am on the verge of buying a new belt, as the one I have barely holds my pants up any more. In fact, I have a lot of clothes that aren’t fitting right. My poor eating may be preventing me from seeing gains on the scale, but P90X is definitely still having positive effects on my body. If I try to focus on the gains I’m seeing and not dwell on what I see as wasted potential, I should actually be very happy.

I am sunburnt to all hell after playing in (and winning) a kickball tournament at work yesterday. I also won a Magic Bullet in the company raffle – which I’m taking as a sign from the universe that I should be eating better by making my own smoothies.