I’ve been struggling with updating the site recently. It feels as if I’m busy and have no time, which I know isn’t actually true. I mean, I’m busy, but you make time for the important things – which means that somewhere deep down, I’m not treating this site as if it’s one of the things worth making time for.

Some of it certainly has to do with the fact that I’ve been sitting around the same weight for the last 6 months, but I don’t think it ends there. I’ve been making (or attempting to make) significant changes to many different parts of my life recently, and those changes require a deep emotional commitment from me that seems to be directly competing for the time I was dedicating here. In a way, it’s somewhat fitting, as many of the personal changes I’m working on are a direct result of my work here, which leaves me a bit conflicted on what to do.

For instance, I am (and always have been) terrible with money – I never save, always blow budgets, and feel poor regardless of how hard I work or how much I’m bringing in. I literally am always one serious problem away from financial disaster. Until I really started trying to live a healthy lifestyle (instead of fad dieting) I never really understood how much that stress was affecting my weight.

Since the beginning of the year I’ve been slowly getting my finances in order by cutting unnecessary spending, paying off debt, planning ahead for foreseeable expenses, etc. All of the changes have been incredibly difficult to stick with (much in the same way eating a healthier diet is), and I’ve been struggling to make it all work, but I’m definitely making improvements.

That, and other things like it, are consuming the time and energy I was devoting to the site. While I feel as if they’re necessary for my growth as a person, and my goal of losing weight for good, I don’t like the fact that the site feels neglected. I could take a official hiatus from posting regularly (rather than just the de facto hiatus I’ve been on) but that really just doesn’t sit well with me either.

Ironically, I think the answer may be to post more. If I expanded the scope of the site to cover more than just my specific goal of losing weight (it is mywastedlife after all), then maybe it would become a part of whatever process I’m specifically focused on in the way it did when I was specifically focused on losing weight above all else.

I’ll have to think about it more.