I am now 9 days into p90x, and I stand by my original statements – this thing is hard. It definitely wasn’t intended for people at my current fitness level. However, even struggling to do half of what the program requests, I’m seeing real results in only a week. In fact, I nearly doubled my reps on every single chest and back exercise from last week and I made it all the way through the plyometrics video without throwing up. So even if it wasn’t intended for me, if I keep sticking with it, I’ll be able to make it work for me. Only 81 more days to go.
Also, a friend mentioned that I sounded a bit hypocritical talking about Daris’ struggles the other day. I didn’t mean to sound like I was harping on him, or coming from a place of superiority; I only meant to convey sympathy and understanding. This last week I’ve been working out as hard, if not harder, than I ever have in my life. If my calorie intake were on point, I’d have easily seen a 2-3 pound loss. So while I’m definitely getting fitter and stronger, I’m not getting all the benefits I could be out of this effort.
It’s terribly tempting to say “Well, I’m putting on muscle” or “I’m still working on maintaining the changes I made to my diet previously” but those are exactly the sort of justifications I’m talking about. What I should be saying is exactly what I took offense at all those years ago – “Don’t kid yourself, you’re overeating.”
I don’t watch much reality TV, but I’m really hooked on The Biggest Loser. It’s about an hour too long, so I fast forward through a lot of the junk (thank god for DVR’s), but the core of the show strikes me as genuine and seems to come from a really good place.
When I was in high school, I had a subscription to Muscle and Fitness in order to learn new weight training techniques. There were always structured diet plans for X goal, or for X number of weeks, and although I read through them all, I never followed them. When outlining the benefits of the diet plans, there was one phrase the magazine always used: “When you’ve reached this point, if you haven’t seen X result, don’t kid yourself, you’re overeating.”
I remember how much that statement used to upset me, and in my mind I would make excuses and justifications for other people who might be following that diet. I imagined them being diligent and working hard, and then not seeing results due to stress or illness. I envisioned some villainous meat-head, cackling away as he wrote that line, knowing it was going to crush the spirit of some innocent person, trying to lose weight or look good. I was so dependent on food as an emotional crutch, I had to make excuses for other people, just to help support my own.
I heard that same sort of excuse from Daris this week when he said “It’s hard to train for a Marathon and lose weight.” He knew he was eating too much, and he knew it was bad, and he was trying to rationalize it away because he didn’t know what else to do. Seeing him break down into tears while petitioning for “America’s Vote” was heart wrenching.
I really felt for Daris this week, mainly because I know exactly how he feels. Those late nights alone, where you feel compulsively driven to eat, even when you know you shouldn’t, even when you are telling yourself out loud you shouldn’t, are absolutely terrible. The mixed feeling of satisfaction you get from the food, and loathing you feel towards yourself for eating it, is something I would never wish upon anyone.
If you’re anything like me, you thought workout videos died a painful death along with other oddities from the 1980′s, but apparently they just ditched Richard Simmons and switched to DVD. For those of you who haven’t heard of P90X, it’s apparently the latest workout video ‘everyone’ has been talking about.
I’d not heard of it until a friend of a friend started talking it up non-stop at lunch a few months back; then, a friend of my sister started posting her impressive results on facebook; soon, my roommate was talking about buying it, and everyone I know seemed to know someone who was doing it. So when the opportunity arose for me to try it out, I figured I’d see what all the fuss was about.
Two days later, I am in incredible pain. I seriously cannot recall a time in my life where my muscles hurt more than they do right now. Yesterday, we only made it half an hour into the workout before I threw up and jogged in place for the rest of video.
If I were sane, I’d probably step back now and consider doing this at some point in a healthier future, but I’m going to try and keep it up, because I made a commitment to my roommate to do it with him (and the fact I’m going to be the best man at a wedding coming up at the end of July might play a tiny part in my decision as well)
But for those of you thinking P90X will help you lose serious weight, I suggest you think again. This program was tailored toward people who are in average to above average shape looking to make the jump to great shape. It most certainly was not intended for people with 80 pounds left to lose.
I’ve been struggling with updating the site recently. It feels as if I’m busy and have no time, which I know isn’t actually true. I mean, I’m busy, but you make time for the important things – which means that somewhere deep down, I’m not treating this site as if it’s one of the things worth making time for.
Some of it certainly has to do with the fact that I’ve been sitting around the same weight for the last 6 months, but I don’t think it ends there. I’ve been making (or attempting to make) significant changes to many different parts of my life recently, and those changes require a deep emotional commitment from me that seems to be directly competing for the time I was dedicating here. In a way, it’s somewhat fitting, as many of the personal changes I’m working on are a direct result of my work here, which leaves me a bit conflicted on what to do.
For instance, I am (and always have been) terrible with money – I never save, always blow budgets, and feel poor regardless of how hard I work or how much I’m bringing in. I literally am always one serious problem away from financial disaster. Until I really started trying to live a healthy lifestyle (instead of fad dieting) I never really understood how much that stress was affecting my weight.
Since the beginning of the year I’ve been slowly getting my finances in order by cutting unnecessary spending, paying off debt, planning ahead for foreseeable expenses, etc. All of the changes have been incredibly difficult to stick with (much in the same way eating a healthier diet is), and I’ve been struggling to make it all work, but I’m definitely making improvements.
That, and other things like it, are consuming the time and energy I was devoting to the site. While I feel as if they’re necessary for my growth as a person, and my goal of losing weight for good, I don’t like the fact that the site feels neglected. I could take a official hiatus from posting regularly (rather than just the de facto hiatus I’ve been on) but that really just doesn’t sit well with me either.
Ironically, I think the answer may be to post more. If I expanded the scope of the site to cover more than just my specific goal of losing weight (it is mywastedlife after all), then maybe it would become a part of whatever process I’m specifically focused on in the way it did when I was specifically focused on losing weight above all else.
I’ll have to think about it more.
Yesterday marked exactly one year from the start of this blog. One year ago, I sent out an email to my close friends and family, asking them to check this site regularly and help support me in my quest to become healthy. Since then, I’ve lost 45 pounds, run a 5k, stopped drinking soda, and stopped eating most fast food.
I want to give my sincerest thanks to all of my friends and family who’ve supported me and all of the weight-loss bloggers out there who’ve inspired me. I still have a long way to go (as the pound and a half I put on during my trip up north will attest to) and I’m sure to face difficult times ahead, but I can unequivocally say that I am healthier today than I was a year ago, and I couldn’t have done it without all of you.
The last week has been, yet again, incredibley busy for me. Aside from posting my weigh in every morning, I’ve not had any time for the site.
I’m out of town for the next 4 days, so that isn’t likely to change in the near future.
Stress, combined with not taking the time to prepare the best meals has had a negative impact on my most recent weigh-in’s, but overall I’m still making forward progress, and this trip is just what the doctor ordered to get me refreshed and focused again.
