Insomnia seems to haunt the members of my family like some sort of familial ghost. When I was young, my grandmother told me our ancestors must have been from a different planet where the day and the night were opposite of those on Earth. I’m pretty sure she was sincere, which confused the hell out of me – even as a little kid I was fairly certain the universe didn’t work that way. The fact that she was suggesting we were from another planet, however, didn’t phase me at all.

Whether it’s my father, who I suspect has the same resentment issues I have, my mother, who certainly doesn’t, my brother, my grandmother, even my sister, who’s about as normal as my kind come – all of us regularly face the spectre of a long night awake and alone. Though I’ve often wondered what it is we all have in common (other than our alien DNA of course) that might be the underlying cause of our shared sleep deprivation, I’ve never really come to a good answer. At least, not until recently.

My brother is friends with a Shaman who oversees Ayahuasca ceremonies up in Humboldt, that he often turns to for advice. In a recent conversation, I asked my brother if he’d ever asked his friend about his trouble sleeping and if he’d had any suggestions. He had, and the Shaman’s answer had been (something to this effect):

The cure for insomnia is to go to bed proud of the day you’ve just lived

As I lay here tonight, unable to sleep, I’ve been asking myself – Could I have accomplished more today? Could I have utilized my time better? But I think those are the wrong questions. In fact, I think those questions are the root of my problem, as those same questions have sort of been the unspoken dialogue to my thoughts many a sleepless night. Always fretting about what wasn’t accomplished. Always replaying mistakes in my head.

Until recently, I don’t think I’d have ever thought self-image could be at the root of my insomnia, but now that I’m considering it, it seems plausible. I was productive today. I ate well, I worked, I went out and watched a movie with my family. By nearly any objective measure you could come up with, my day was a success. So the question I should be asking is – Why can’t I be proud with what I’ve done today?

So I was actually a little surprised when I plugged the thing in to get an error message from the OS that a “USB device drawing too much power has been disabled.”

In my mind, that’s a pretty scary message – with its red plastic shell and styling, this thing already looks a little aggressive, and now it’s demanding so much power that my gentle, pacifist iMac has had to disable one of its USB ports to protect itself!? What does this thing want so much power for, I wonder? I’ve already cleared a spot for it on my desk, is that not enough for this maniacal accessory? Clearly I’ve got to get this thing in check, not just for me, but for the sake of all mankind.

My first step was to google the product along with the error message. That led to nothing but one reviewer on Newegg complaining of the same error with no resolution (reminding me of this). Next I check the cirago website to see if they had any documentation, firmware downloads, etc that may lead me in the right direction – again, nothing (On a side note, why do hardware manufactures’ websites always suck? It’s not just the small ones, they all feel as if they were designed intentionally to obscure the information I’m looking for).

At this point I’ve devoted all of about 10 minutes to this thing, and, after unplugging it and plugging it back in (as if that should magically resolve it), am convinced it’s not going to work and realize I should give up on it. So naturally I took the damn thing apart.

Not surprisingly there was nothing of note on the inside that would explain the error I’m getting (or this thing’s megalomaniacal demands for power), but once I put it back together and plugged it in one more time for good measure, it started working like a charm! Seriously, wtf?

After much trial and error, I discovered that that my 4th grade math teacher was right – Order of Operations IS important. For anyone out there who’s been suffering with the same problem unplug everything and try this:

1. Plug the power in
2. Turn the power on
3. Think deep thoughts for a good 3 seconds
4. Plug the USB cable in

That process does the trick for me every time. Though it’s dependent on the docking station not loosing power. If you turn the docking station off, but leave the USB cable attached the computer will immediately warn you the docking station is drawing too much power and has been disabled. At that point, turning the power back on won’t get the computer to recognize it again without following the steps above.

Regardless, I’ve found it’s annoying to weigh yourself every day and not see the scale moving down – though my eating has not been on point, so I don’t know why I would expect that to happen.

The easy way to stop being annoyed by it would be to stop weighing in, the correct way would be to give the scale a reason to move in the direction I want. It’s interesting how a choice like that, when laid out clearly isn’t really a choice. Rationally, the correct answer is obviously to eat better and lose weight, it’s getting yourself to emotionally come to that same conclusion which is difficult.

Shortly after my last post I went on a family vacation to go see my brother Johnny’s senior performance as a percussion major in college. He was awesome – absolutely incredible. I am so proud of him, there weren’t (and still aren’t) words to really describe it.

Now, like most recent college graduates, Johnny is doing which of the following?

a) Coming back home and trying to find work to settle into a more permanent life.
b) He’s moving to Ghana for year to further study percussion and further expand his knowledge and experience.

If you answered a, you probably would benefit from b. (Good luck Johnny!)

Upon returning from vacation I found I’d gained about 5 pounds putting me at right about 309. Since that time I’ve been watching my weigh-ins (though neglecting to input them here) and simply been hovering right around that mark. While I don’t have a problem with gaining 5 pounds over a vacation – I definitely have a problem when I sit in limbo for the two months that follow it.

There are plenty of reasons (okay, most are excuses) for why I haven’t jumped right back into my efforts at a healthier lifestyle, but I’m not sure listing them matters. Suffice it to say I am back, yet again, and this time, I think, for good (more on that to come in a separate post.

After my most recent stumble Esther pointed out something I’d never considered when she said “You thought losing weight would solve all of your problems. When it didn’t, you quit.” I was either unaware (or more likely, didn’t want to be aware) of the fact I’d made a choice to stop putting effort into my health. I told myself it was too difficult with ‘all these other things’ going on, but really it was really much more of an ‘all these things’ didn’t go away.

With that in mind, I find that my original inclination to expand the focus of this site to general improvement of my life, rather than just weight loss, is probably the best answer. Weight loss & better health are still one of my primary life goals so they’re not going anywhere, I’ll just be posting more about different topics I’m interested in – particularly those that involve bettering or organizing my life, finances, etc.

• None

- Lunch -

• Claim Jumper – Cobb Salad (1 Lunch Salad): 664
• Claim Jumper – Bleu Cheese Dressing (Approx 2 oz): 300

- Dinner -

• Whole Foods – Chicken in Green Sauce (Approx 10 oz): ~455
• Whole Foods – Mashed Potatoes (Approx 8 oz): ~260

- Snacks -

• Trail Mix (1 Bag): 240

They had a showing of Goonies at the Arclight near my house tonight – it was, in a word, awesome!

• Strawberry Orange Juice Smoothie + Protein (1 Smoothie): 355

- Lunch -

• Subway – 6″ Chicken Breast Sandwich on Wheat w/Avocado (1 Sandwich): 490

- Dinner -

• Topz – 1/2 Pound Angus Burger on Wheat (1 Burger): 735

- Snacks -

• None

• El Pollo Loco – Chicken Breasts no Skin (2 Breasts): 360

- Lunch -

• Whole Foods – Chicken Breast (1 Breast): ~200
• Whole Foods – Vegetable Fried Rice (Approx 6 oz): ~220

- Dinner -

• Whole Foods – Salmon Bowl w/Brown Rice (1 Bowl): ~900

- Snacks -

• None

• Jamba Juice – Five Fruit Frenzy + Protein (32 oz): 490

- Lunch -

• Whole Foods – Chicken in Green Sauce (Approx 10 oz): ~455
• Whole Foods – Mashed Potatoes (Approx 9 oz): ~300

- Dinner -

• El Pollo Loco – Chicken Breasts no Skin (3 Breasts): 540

- Snacks -

• None

• None

- Lunch -

• Rhineland Deli – Chicken Extraordinaire (1 Sandwich): ~1400

- Dinner -

• Sea Casa – Grilled Chicken Burrito (1 Burrito): ~790
• Sea Casa – Shrimp (1 Side): ~115

- Snacks -

• None

Missing breakfast didn’t do me any favors today – I felt like I was starving by the time lunch rolled around. Rhineland must offer something I could have eaten that wasn’t 1,400 calories in one sitting – but I didn’t even think to look for it.