I created this site to hold myself publicly accountable for my weight loss. For far too long I’ve been half-heartedly trying to lose weight, with no clear goals other than not wanting to feel ashamed of how I look, and not wanting to let anyone know I was dieting, in case I failed. That ends today.

I intend to lose 115 pounds using only diet and exercise; no diet fads, miracle cures, or gimmicks. In order to keep me motivated and accountable, I will document the entire process here on My Wasted Life for all to see.

I’m going to lose this weight, and nothing is going to stop me.

I din’t even bother trying to count calories over the weekend, as Friday-Sunday I was taken out for at least one birthday meal at places you just don’t count calories at. Today was mostly left over items from my weekend, so it wasn’t great either, but that’s been par for the course recently.

- Breakfast -

• None

- Lunch -

• Hogly Wogly Leftovers – Beef Ribs (2 Ribs): ~800
• Hogly Wogly Leftovers – Chicken Breast (1 Breast): ~300
• Hogly Wogly Leftovers – Potato Salad (1 Side): ~385

- Dinner -

• Leftover Buenos Aires Grill – Lomo Napolitano (1/2 Plate): ~1000

- Snacks -

• Apple Tart ala Esther (1 Large Slice): ~625

So today wasn’t so good a day calorie wise, but the dinner and brownies were a birthday celebration (albeit a little early), so I’m not gonna beat myself up over them.

- Breakfast -

• Honey Nut Cheerios (2 Cups): 320
• 2% Milk (2 Cups): 280
• Orange Juice (1 Glass): ~110

- Lunch -

• Falafel Grill – Shwarma Plate (1 Plate): ~850

- Dinner -

• Buenos Aires Grill – Lomo Napolitano (1/2 Plate): ~1000
• Buenos Aires Grill – Mashed Potatoes (1 Serving): ~400
• Buenos Aires Grill – Bread (2 Pieces): ~180

- Snacks -

• Brownies (More than I should have had): ~800

- Breakfast -

• Probiotic Strawberry Smoothie (1 Smoothie): 140

- Lunch -

• Frozen Pepperoni Pizza (1 Pizza): 470

- Dinner -

• Pseudo Chicken Parm (2nd try) w/ Pasta (1 Bowl): ~845

- Snacks -

• None

- Breakfast -

• Honey Nut Cheerios (2 Cups): 320
• 2% Milk (1 Cup): 140

- Lunch -

• Xixo Misto (1 Plate): ~1500

- Dinner -

• Sea Casa – Grilled Chicken Burrito (1 Burrito): ~790
• Sea Casa – Tortilla Chips (1 Serving): ~148

- Snacks -

• None

I need to get better at this cooking thing. The chicken and sauce weren’t a whole lot of calories, but I made waaay more pasta then I intended too (didn’t look like that much uncooked). Otherwise, not too bad a day.

- Breakfast -

• None

- Lunch -

• Armenian Deli – Roast Beef Wrap (1 Wrap): ~737
• Orange Pineapple Banana Juice (1 Bottle): 310

- Dinner -

• Pseudo Chicken Parm w/Pasta (1 Bowl): ~1130

- Snacks -

• None

I drove through Carl’s Jr. last night, sometime around 2 am, and got a burger and a shake. That’s over 2000 of the worst calories you can consume about an hour and a half before I went to bed. That’s so bad, I’m at a loss for words on how else to describe it.

I ate that burger last night because I don’t feel like I deserve to be happy or healthy – a feeling that has been steadily reemerging in me for some time now. It’s no coincidence then, that my resolve and dedication have slowly fallen apart over that same time period. Whatever it was, that I had, which prompted me to lose 40 lbs, I’ve lost it. That sense of self worth that made me want to be better is gone, and without it, I feel powerless – I’ve no reason to fight.

Does stress do this to person; break them down until they feel as if they deserve it? Or, does the feeling that one deserves to be broken the thing that drives us to create the stress that breaks us down? I don’t know. I’m not even sure whether I’m posting this as sign of defiance, or self pity. I hope it’s the former, and am terribly afraid it’s the latter.

The proverbial “they” say that the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Well, I have a problem. What’s step 2?

- Breakfast -

• Probiotic Strawberry Smoothie (1 Smoothie): 140

- Lunch -

• Sea Casa – Grilled Chicken Burrito (1 Burrito): ~790
• Sea Casa – Tortilla Chips (1 Serving): ~148

- Dinner -

• Honey Nut Cheerios (2 Cups): 320
• 2% Milk (1.5 Cups): 210

- Snacks -

• Honey Nut Cheerios (1 Cup): 160
• 2% Milk (1 Cup): 140

- Breakfast -

• Honey Nut Cheerios (2 Cups): 320
• 2% Milk (1.5 Cups): 210

- Lunch -

• Turkey Breast Sandwich (1 Sandwich): ~480
• Turkey Breast (About 6 oz): ~240

- Dinner -

• Carl’s Jr. – Superstar w/Cheese (1 Burger): ~920
• Carl’s Jr. – Oreo Cookie Shake (1 Shake): ~1170

- Snacks -

• None

- Breakfast -

• Probiotic Strawberry Smoothie (1 Smoothie): 140

- Lunch -

• Sea Casa – Grilled Chicken Burrito (1 Burrito): ~790
• Sea Casa – Tortilla Chips (1 Serving): ~148

- Dinner -

• Salsa & Beer – Steak (1 Steak): ~550
• Salsa & Beer – Shrimp (5 Shrimp): ~45
• Salsa & Beer – Rice (2 Servings): ~500
• Salsa & Beer – Chips (2 Serving): ~300
• Salsa & Beer – Corn Tortillas (3 Tortilla): ~300
• Salsa & Beer – Ice Cream (1/2 Dessert): ~550

- Snacks -

• None

- Breakfast -

• None

- Lunch -

• Armenian Deli – Roast Beef Wrap (1 Wrap): ~737
• Cranberry Juice (1 Bottle): 280

- Dinner -

• Chicken Ravioli w/Pesto Sauce (1 Bowl): ~1400

- Snacks -

• None