I created this site to hold myself publicly accountable for my weight loss. For far too long I’ve been half-heartedly trying to lose weight, with no clear goals other than not wanting to feel ashamed of how I look, and not wanting to let anyone know I was dieting, in case I failed. That ends today.

I intend to lose 115 pounds using only diet and exercise; no diet fads, miracle cures, or gimmicks. In order to keep me motivated and accountable, I will document the entire process here on My Wasted Life for all to see.

I’m going to lose this weight, and nothing is going to stop me.

A great weekend away has me feeling really good today. The scale this morning was up (alot), but it was well worth it to have a little mini-vacation. Getting away for just a couple of days and not having to worry about my day-to-day life has really helped my outlook on things I think.

I know I haven’t been posting much recently, and I certainly haven’t been watching my calories, but I’m still busting my ass on p90x, having only missed a total of 3 days of the 51 I’ve been at it (two of which were because of surgery). As far as habits go, that’s definitely a good one to be building.

I know I can’t just sit pretty on the 42 pounds I’ve already lost, but in my efforts to not do so, I think I’ve been focusing too much on how much further I have to go, and all the mistakes I’ve made since I started to struggle. When I see little gains, or small losses, in the back of my mind, I compare it to the 1.7 pounds a week I was losing before, and I feel like I’m not doing well.

At different points along this process of trying to improve my health I’ve eaten better, worked out regularly, cooked my own food, saved money, etc. I just haven’t quite figured out how to put all of those things together at the same time.

Practice makes perfect, or so they say, so I’ll keep trying until I get it right.

I’ve been trying to find a way to tie a bunch of different thoughts and feelings into a post for a while now, and have just decided I’m not going to get anything that doesn’t just seems like a sort of stream of consciousness, random collection of statements – so I may as well not fight it.

I’ve been eating terribly. Not fast food, burgers and fries everyday, how I used to eat terribly, but definitely “Oh, there are donuts in the break room, so I should go have one terribly.” I want to improve, but I’m definitely dealing with some emotional hangup I haven’t fully discovered yet, and it’s starting to really tick me off.

Today is day 43 of P90X without missing a workout. There’ve been a couple where I wasn’t feeling all that into it, and almost certainly didn’t go 100%, but I’ve shown up everyday, and I’m proud of it. I wish I’d had more confidence in myself when I started – in the back of my mind I didn’t think I would even get this far, so I didn’t follow the diet plan, or buy the right supplements, etc. I’ve definitely wasted quite a bit of potential gain by working out so hard, and not giving myself the right tools to fully capitalize on it.

Of course, if I weren’t one for wasting potential, it wouldn’t be called mywastedlife, now would it .

Over the last 43 days the trend says I’ve gained about a pound and a half. However, I am on the verge of buying a new belt, as the one I have barely holds my pants up any more. In fact, I have a lot of clothes that aren’t fitting right. My poor eating may be preventing me from seeing gains on the scale, but P90X is definitely still having positive effects on my body. If I try to focus on the gains I’m seeing and not dwell on what I see as wasted potential, I should actually be very happy.

I am sunburnt to all hell after playing in (and winning) a kickball tournament at work yesterday. I also won a Magic Bullet in the company raffle – which I’m taking as a sign from the universe that I should be eating better by making my own smoothies.

- Breakfast -

• Mixed Berry Smoothie w/Protein (16 oz): 390

- Lunch -

• Claim Jumper – Tri-tip (1 Serving): ~771
• Claim Jumper – Mashed Potatoes (1 Serving): ~330

- Dinner -

• Trader Joe’s Southwest Chicken Quesadilla (1 Quesadilla): 390

- Snacks -

• Chocolate Banana Protein Shake (1 Shake): 671

- Breakfast -

• Clif Bar – Oatmeal Raisin Walnut (1 Bar): 240

- Lunch -

• Melodies – Chicken Quesadilla (1 Quesadilla): ~1500
• Melodies – Rice (1 Serving): ~220

- Dinner -

• Chocolate Banana Protein Shake (1 Shake): 409

- Snacks -

• None

- Breakfast -

• None

- Lunch -

• Armenian Deli – Roast Beef Wrap (1 Wrap): ~737
• Cranberry Juice (1 Bottle): 280

- Dinner -

• Cheeseburger (1 Burger): ~600
• Potato Salad (1 Side): ~215
• Potato Chips (2 Servings): ~300
• Mixed Fruit (1 Serving): ~150

- Snacks -

• Chocolate Banana Protein Shake (1 Shake): 664

One of the big selling points they use to push P90X is the claim that, if followed properly, you’ll never plateau. The idea is that by confusing the muscles with different exercises and routines, they never have the opportunity to become to accustomed to what you’re doing and are always incentivized to continue improving.

For me, that means that yesterday was my last ‘Chest & Back’ day for a while because starting next week the whole routine gets shaken up. That strikes me as a perfect opportunity to share some of the numbers the program encourages you to record:

So on day one I did a total of 12 full push-ups, and an additional 36 on my knees and then, exactly two weeks later, I did 45 full push-ups and 46 from my knees. That’s an increase of 33 & (10)! The numbers on my back exercises are less impressive, because at the start I couldn’t do a single pull-up and I currently still can’t do one, but I’m not letting that discourage me. I’m seeing real results on this – results I couldn’t have imagined when I started. I actually can’t wait to see what the new routines hold for me next week.

- Breakfast -

• None

- Lunch -

• Orange Chicken (1 Bowl): 456

- Dinner -

• Fab Hotdogs – Philly Cheesesteak Dog (1 Hot Dog): ~741
• Fab Hotdogs – Tater Tots (1 Side): ~370

- Snacks -

• Chocolate Banana Protein Shake (1 Shake): 379

- Breakfast -

• Vanilla Almond Crunch Cereal (1.5 Cups): 495
• 2% Milk (1 Cups): 140

- Lunch -

• Chocolate Banana Protein Shake (1 Shake): 639

- Dinner -

• Salsa & Beer – Steak (1 Steak): ~550
• Salsa & Beer – Shrimp (5 Shrimp): ~45
• Salsa & Beer – Rice (1 Serving): ~300
• Salsa & Beer – Corn Tortillas (2 Tortillas): ~200

- Snacks -

• String Cheese (1 Stick): 80

- Breakfast -

• Chocolate Banana Shake (1 Shake): 385

- Lunch -

• Lampost – Pepperoni Pizza (1 Slice): ~325
• Lampost – BBQ Chicken Pizza (1 Slice): ~340
• Lampost – Salad w/ Blue Cheese on the side (1 Plate): ~175

- Dinner -

• Trader Joe’s Southwest Chicken Quesadilla w/butter (1 Quesadilla): 390

- Snacks -

• Chicken Enchiladas (2 Enchiladas): 330
• Chocolate Banana Shake (1 Shake): 365

- Breakfast -

• Strawberry Banana Smoothie (18 oz): 350

- Lunch -

• Mongolian Barbecue – Beef, Broccoli, Mushroom, Onions (1 Plate): ~900
• Mongolian Barbecue – White Rice (1 Cup): ~169
• Mongolian Barbecue – Bread (2 Pieces): ~200

- Dinner -

• Trader Joe’s Southwest Chicken Quesadilla (1 Quesadilla): 320

- Snacks -

• Protein Shake w/Milk, Banana & Peanut Butter (1 Shake): 768
• Protein Shake w/Water (1 Shake): 105